I think many problems between people in relationships could be set at ease if they would fight fairly. How soon we forget to treat others like we ourselves want to be treated. We sabotage our efforts by diving in with knives. We are the only ones who can actually stop ourselves from doing this. It takes patience, balance, and peace along with clear self awareness in the moment to argue fairly. This is because you must give the other the benefit of the doubt. You cannot be doing this if you start in with accusations half way through a debating thought sequence. You must slow down in order for this to work, not speed up.
Most arguing sequences are looking for who is to blame. This psychological modus operandi is a Destroyer. If you are operating in this psychological mode you must choose a different way of looking at the problem if you hope to take the disagreement/source of contention to a higher level. Otherwise the process of fault finding leaves smudges of bitterness on our soul that we are constantly having to clean off and out through ceremony/spiritual practice.
Can you find the source--the begining of the hurt? This cause of the ensuing charade gets masked quickly by other thoughtforms going in all kinds of directions: thoughts in support of our premise, mainly via other thoughts that justify our blaming of this person, etcetera.
Staying with the source of our pain requires vulnerability though. This most often yields to a protective instinct. The protective instinct leads us away from Heart vulnerability and into the warrior mode which is where we make accusations and place blame. This is the illusion of protection though because it also has the effect of tearing down our relationships and leaving us isolated and in pain. It also hurts us to hurt others whether or not we realize it or acknowledge it's truth. Chances are we will realize it at some point as hindsight is generally much sharper than foresight. This residue (of the pain we inflict) gets left as a kind of 'after image' of the conflict. Also, it 'protects' us so much so that we are alone because of it. So this 'protection' has led to isolation. Is that a victory?
We must choose a different way if we are to become closer as people Growing Healthily Through the conflicts that sooner or later and to a greater or lesser degree will arise. How will we do it? Will we consult with our Heart on the material of our mind? A truly humble person knows how vain they are...that is humility.
Most arguing sequences are looking for who is to blame. This psychological modus operandi is a Destroyer. If you are operating in this psychological mode you must choose a different way of looking at the problem if you hope to take the disagreement/source of contention to a higher level. Otherwise the process of fault finding leaves smudges of bitterness on our soul that we are constantly having to clean off and out through ceremony/spiritual practice.
Can you find the source--the begining of the hurt? This cause of the ensuing charade gets masked quickly by other thoughtforms going in all kinds of directions: thoughts in support of our premise, mainly via other thoughts that justify our blaming of this person, etcetera.
Staying with the source of our pain requires vulnerability though. This most often yields to a protective instinct. The protective instinct leads us away from Heart vulnerability and into the warrior mode which is where we make accusations and place blame. This is the illusion of protection though because it also has the effect of tearing down our relationships and leaving us isolated and in pain. It also hurts us to hurt others whether or not we realize it or acknowledge it's truth. Chances are we will realize it at some point as hindsight is generally much sharper than foresight. This residue (of the pain we inflict) gets left as a kind of 'after image' of the conflict. Also, it 'protects' us so much so that we are alone because of it. So this 'protection' has led to isolation. Is that a victory?
We must choose a different way if we are to become closer as people Growing Healthily Through the conflicts that sooner or later and to a greater or lesser degree will arise. How will we do it? Will we consult with our Heart on the material of our mind? A truly humble person knows how vain they are...that is humility.